I have no idea where to start. Every time I try to start writing, I can’twrite anything because so much fills me all at the same time, and I end upgetting overwhelmed, confused and freaked out. So I don’t know how to start this whole new blogging world. So… I figured that is how I’d start. By telling you that I am completely freakedout in doing this. Right now, I justfeel very full. The Christmas season isin full swing, and there is so much to do. So much to buy. So much towrap. So much to clean. I have just temporarily shifted out ofanything that is important to me, to just get through the holidays. I figure, there’s plenty of time in Januaryto get back to it. Right? Back to building a website. Back to thinking about what is next for me inmy life.
Blogging. I seem to beso much better at the just talking. Iguess I could video myself talking, but somehow that seems gross. I’m not sure why. But there was this woman who thought ofherself as some sort of spiritual teacher and she videotaped her sermons andput them on fb. It always made me rollmy eyes for some reason. We are allteachers because we all have gifts. Andwe should share those gifts, no doubt about it. I mean, I am here doing this because it is time to me to share mygifts. But I fear that when people beginto feel like their teacher too much… that it somehow gets in the way ofteaching anything and comes off as preaching. Maybe I’m projecting. That ispossible. I am after all just a human being,so projecting is what I do. But I justcan’t be a video person talking to the air.
So I guess I’m back to blogging. I think maybe I will just have to practice itand see where it takes me. Get over myfears of just sitting down to type. Trusting and just allowing that whatever is there will indeed find a wayto flow through me. Maybe my blogginghas to be more about allowing than about forcing things to come out. Maybe my blogging has to take a feminineview of allowing it to come. We do spendso much of time forcing thing, making things, getting things done. What would happen if we just balanced thatout with a little bit of allowing?
I think allowing gets a bad rap. Sometimes I think when people hear aboutallowing, they think it just means doing nothing, and that it’s somehowlazy. But that isn’t what I mean aboutallowing. Allowing is much more active than doing nothing. By allowing, you are actively becoming avessel. And there ae practices for that. How to become a clearer and clearervessel. Emptying. I think maybe that “doing” or “making happen”or worse yet, “forcing” are sometimes the lazy things we are engagingwith. I know it seems like an oxymoronto think of doing as lazy, but if you really break things down, sometimes wejust do think because we always think we’re supposed to be doingsomething. Our whole society and culturetells us that if we aren’t doing, we’re lazy, and if we’re lazy, we’re bad, andif we’re bad, we don’t deserve to have a life. So, we always get the message to do more. But if we just stop for amoment, we could see that all the doing isn’t actually serving us much. We somehow find ourselves exhausted,overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, and we aren’t even sure why. And so we might then just go back to the samehabit and think, maybe I need to do more. Im doing enough. I have to tryharder, etc. So we do more and thenwe’re just back to where we started. Andit’s lazy, because we’re never actually addressing the root of why we’re sooverwhelmed in the first place.
Doing also doesn’t always allow for creativity. By just moving and doing constantly, we justkeep repeating the same stuff over and over again. For creativity (which is fresh and new) towork properly, allowing as to take center stage. Sometimes you just need to drop it all beforeanything fresh can even begin to come in.
What the heck is this blog about anyway? I honestly did not know what I was going tostart writing. I just decided toallow. And apparently the allowingallowed the topic of allowing to arise. How’s that for a tongue twister? Is that what I should call thisthing? The Allowing Blog?
Ok, that’s it for me now. I’ll try again later. Or tomorrow.
Written Friday, December 14,2018